Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
