Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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