when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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