I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
