We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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