Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
