I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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