Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
