i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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