I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
