dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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