My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
