I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
50% drunk capacity currently
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
