the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
