holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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