No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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