You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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