You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
