yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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