another moral hangover. fuck.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
