And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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