That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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