Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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