giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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