I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
