Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
