Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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