he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
