Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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