you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
