Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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