even my farts smell like vagina
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
