i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
