last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
then he tried to convert me to islam
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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