The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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