i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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