and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
