He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
