i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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