I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
