dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize