Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
