I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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