why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize