I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk is not a location!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
