Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
