things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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