i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
