i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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