Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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