there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Use "feeling words"
Yay
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
