Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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