writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
