sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
