Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
