Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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