Will you blow on my dice?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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