i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
