He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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