If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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