The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
