You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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