I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
