when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I enjoy the company of your penis
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
