no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
