Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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