Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
