I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
